I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried,
Tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied
The future I'd been searching for
I spun around and hurt no more
-Jason Mraz
I am now facing the future. I have to make up for the past in many ways. I had seriously failed my kids this summer. I was grotesquely selfish (as opposed to the regular dose of selfish that I am anyway). Thankfully children are resilient and incredibly forgiving.
And now I want nothing more than to serve my kids, advocate for them, spare them bus rides, to make up for the lost time. I've dropped things that are not essential. Even our morning work outs seem like a burden. I could be helping them prepare for the day with more time.
Where did these feelings emerge from?
I had questioned if I had ever chosen them for company. I was so far removed I had lost the ability to remember the good times- I doubted the good times even existed. I couldn't fathom that I had enjoyed my maternal job.
I have found such joy in these people that I get to spend my days with. They are truly amazing. I have become one of the sappy ones. I love being a mom. No, seriously. I had been looking backwards trying to find happiness. Really? Really?
If I hadn't figured this thing out...well, we all know what that looks like.
We go through times of growth and it can be painful, lonely. Thank you for listening to me gripe, letting me know I'm not alone and leaving your judgement at home. Obviously not everyone feels possessed to bear all their soul to the swarms of internet readers but I hope you found my flight enlighting or in the least entertaining.
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| Kylie. The girl who loves primping, boys and Milk Duds. She starts driver's ed. on Monday! |
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| Louie. The grown up 3-yr old who keeps us laughing but oh how we love when she's sleeping. |
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| Gavin. The young man who we adore. His talents are many. |
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| Ashton. Our creative, witty, middle child. |
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| Dylan. This kid is almost always happy and LOVES learning. |
