Listening to him talk about his motivation and his unwavering desire to serve and get things done is really cool. But I can have a desire and really want to get things done and then I hear "MOM!". I purposely don't plan things so I can be available for our five kids. So often the unexpected happens and I'm glad I am around to be there, to help.
To become a Navy SEAL, to become a doctor, to become a lawyer, to become CEO, to become a fireman, to become a famous actress-read a book, go to college, pass the test. To become any of these herealded professionals you have to master yourself and only yourself. The path to obtain personal goals is laid out all you have to do is follow it but how do you incorporate a large family?
What I'm trying to say is that I believe in myself. I know I could accomplish anything that I want if I could have... a focused thought! If I didn't have to worry about homework that wasn't getting turned in, sewing scout patches onto uniforms, getting rides coordinated, making sure seven people have clean socks that fit, finding the spare truck key.....endless. I picture single-without spouse and/or child(ren)-professionals as blind to how the other half lives. If I was single I think I'd probably float away. To be alone all day?! People carry a weight when they are home. It's not bad just sort of distracting. Hell, I can feel them even when they aren't home. I have a hard time turning the music up too loud-what if something happens and the school nurse can't get a hold of me? To only have to worry about myself would be amazing.
On the flip side of that-no matter what I might be sacrificing or giving up or passing up or not becoming-I am choosing to be Mom. My 2015 mantra is "I am here." (It was chosen by a Facebook quiz but it fits, it's simple and do able.) Being here, showing up is half the battle. Being moral support is so important. Being a parent is crazy hard and I don't think it'll ever culminate with some lifetime achievement rather it will evolve and the challenges will stretch us farther than we thought possible. All we are required to do is be there and try. I think for me-I need to let that be enough. I need to recognize that what I am doing is what a professional mom looks like. It's messy rooms, irregular hours, unhappy children, lost receipts, bread that didin't rise, a late utility bill, ugly seams. But it is also soccer games and dance performances, Christmas choirs, giggling girls, basketball games, late night talks, texts, facebook hugs, thank yous, chocolate chip cookie dough, camping, family nights, day trips and dinners.
Yesterday the boys were all in the kitchen helping me get dinner ready and Gavin and I started singing songs from Into the Woods. We were having a blast belting and Ashton innocently, encouragingly said,"Mom you should get back into musicals. You should live your dream. You're wasting your life being just a mom." Oh Ash-I am living my dream! I love my family and feel pushed and challenged in my consistently changing life! Even if the "challenge" is sometimes just making the choice to be here. Sure the tasks are never ending but that doesn't mean that the work I do accomplish is worth any less. Even though I sometimes feel like they'd be better off without me, I know the truth is they wouldn't. Nor would I be without them.
I guess what I have concluded is that I am accomplishing my goals and living my dreams-I am here and committed to be the best wife and mom I can be while gaining tools and training along the way. I've found my focus and can have happiness as I accept the work I do as challenging and imperfectly perfect. I may not make a huge impact on the world or have a triple digit salary but if I can say I gave it all I had-that's alright by me.
