So much has happened this year to catapult me into....well, serenity. Some things carried on longer than were comfortable- an emotional affair, underemployment, activity in the church, pity parties to highlight a few. But now, I feel absolutely balanced and ready to face the challenges life offers.
Early spring brought me a truly inspired gift. I was rolling out bread dough and I had an intense feeling come over me. I found myself in tears as something spoke to me in regards to my life's mission and educational plans. I had the distinct feeling that my life is going to include something on a more global scale. I recalled in my year spent at the College of Western Idaho I had taken three internationally themed classes: Refugees in Idaho, Education Around the World and World Religion. I feel like my calling is going to involve diversity. I felt impressed that what ever work I'm going to do is going to be bigger than myself. It was such a clear and unexpected message. It felt so amazing to receive divine revelation without any prior petition. I shared my experience with a couple choice friends and after a few weeks of wondering what to do was led to a brand new major that will be premiering this fall at Boise State-Global Studies. I couldn't believe it. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going but I feel like I am in sync with the divinity within. Figuring out Global Studies would be my new major was almost more exciting than finding out I was pregnant for the first time. I was beyond excited. In the middle of trying to convey my feelings to my family I stopped and realized the words I know are inadequate. There was no real way to describe the joy and purpose I was experiencing. I had the thought- maybe the elation was just for me. Maybe it isn't possible to portray the depth or height of some very select emotions. Maybe you can't position the blade at the right angle to cut your heart open to reveal an accurate view of something so personal. No one cares about your life as much as you do. Truly.
Spring also brought Troy a new job opportunity. He was recruited by a third party and after three interviews, including being flown out of state for a day, he started work with Wall To Wall Stone Corp. This move has been life changing. We finally got new flooring after 3 years. We had a fun filled, worry free California vacation without having to pack our pantry for the meals en route. With money for small treats, new clothing, and one on one dates I actually enjoy being a parent. Life without the extreme financial stress feels like we're cheating. We've really been missing out. I mean I knew we were missing out in the obvious literal ways but I had no idea how good it feels to not worry how we are going to make it through the month. Just the other day I recorded in my journal, "This morning I woke up with a profound sense that I have all that I need. I find I remind myself in the moments I start to get upset that there is no reason to be angry because I am very happy with my life."
And as I am becoming who I know I am and can be - I'm understanding even better all the whys and what fors. In fact it occurred to me that maybe having kids first and going to school later in life might actually make the most sense. In May I graduated from the junior college summa cum laude, the kids are going to be grown before we're too old and I'm young enough to have a career even after a few more years of college. Perhaps this should have been my plan all along. I think I'll adopt it now. So girls, get married right out of high school, have your kids and then a career. Life isn't passing you by when you're at home up to your ears in diapers at age 22. Of course I wouldn't write out Kylie's future to match mine but I do have a fresh perspective sans the anger of yesterday. I feel hopeful I will get to fulfill all my dreams and have grandkids too.
