I’m spoiled

Saturday morning at Fiddler’s Green (pregame dig)

I met a new friend at the soccer field yesterday. She is a single mom who has cheated death on more than one occasion and believes everything happens for a reason including the fact that we happened to sit next to each other. Our conversation spanned many places and topics. Of course it began with our boys of whom we were watching and both of which scored a goal! She mentioned how ecstatic she was to be witness to her son’s game, since he recently moved in with his dad three hours away, and was only with her for the weekend. (He signed up to play months ago and happened to still be on the roster!) When I revealed we have five kids she marveled and mentioned how she would have loved to have a large family. When the game was over we exchanged phone numbers, hugged and made plans to meet at the community garden midweek.

Later that same evening Troy and I were working on the yard and I realized the conversation I had at the field marked the first time for as long as I could remember I made no remarks about how I felt cursed by the responsibility of motherhood. I had let her believe I was more like her than even I initially believed. I considered coming clean the next time I see her. Perhaps mentioning, as I often do, how much I detest the stresses of motherhood but obviously love my kids. Maybe pointing her to this blog. For a moment I felt like a fraud. Then I recalled a conversation I had with a friend and yogi while in California last month. I had expressed my lament for not living authentically for so much of my life specifically in my role as a mom. How I had enforced rules I didn’t necessarily agree with and made an extra effort to fit the mold. Her response to me, “You talk as if you’re done being a mom. Like it’s over. Tomorrow is a new day. You can be whatever kind of mom you want to be starting now.” Thanks Bridgette-you are so right. I can reframe the experience. I can fall in love with being the mom. It’s not too late. And honestly, at this moment I have no excuses. I am following my passions, building a career for myself, and am pretty much supported by my family to do what my heart desires. Shoot, I even got a new car this year.

I don’t always get dinner on the table and the bathrooms aren’t cleaned regularly but I stay up late until the last teenager comes home, I get up most mornings to say “Have a good day!” and I make an effort to be present during every conversation. And despite their lack of religious worship these humans are pretty fantastic. We all have good grades,  we’ve ruled out any serious eating disorders and are void of any substance abuse. 🤞🏻 I’m pretty proud of our brood. So, I guess it’s safe to admit- I kind of like being a mom.