Jessica posted a video from my birthday reminding me of my wish. “To be more authentic.” I’ve been mulling around some ideas that would fulfill said wish. Here we go.
The LDS religion is chalk full of traditions. One of which is fast & testimony meeting. This happens on the first Sunday of every month. The members attend their regular Sabbath worship having begun fasting either the night before or earlier that day (suggestion is 24 hours or 3 meals still unsure, varies by family). During sacrament meeting, anyone in the congregation is welcome to approach the pulpit and bear witness of the truthfulness of the gospel (this is often supported by antidotes).
I would like to create the opportunity to bear my testimony of the growth, freedom, and happiness I have found since I have discovered MY truth. I am a better person, more grounded, educated and aware than I have ever been before. I may have said some of these things publicly before but, just as the Mormons reiterate their beliefs monthly, I would like to repeat the peace that I now feel in following my conscience. I am directed by my intuition as I always have been but now I claim those “promptings” as my own. Those inspirations don’t come from some “Holy Ghost” only when I am in the right place, at the right time. I get answers to my most difficult questions by pondering, meditating and listening....TO MYSELF!!! My friend Paula’s words come to mind, “Life prepares you for all you need to do.” We can tap into the memories, experiences, wisdom, and power from within. We can trust OURSELVES to make the best choice. Trust the process. Trust life, trust the universe. Before -I lived in fear. Fear that if I didn’t keep the commandments the church teaches I wouldn’t be able to receive guidance. Total bullshit. I am a fully capable being who doesn’t need to wait to be prompted or told what to do next, where to move, who to contact, etc. When you are living in the present, mindfully, the universe speaks to you. It is NOT necessary to pray or read scriptures to hear YOUR message.
Furthermore, my relationships with my kids have been strengthened. Currently, four of them are teenagers which makes the situation tense. They balk at the few rules we do have- checking in, turning in electronic devices at night, doing chores and homework. I can’t imagine if we had remained active in the LDS church how much more contentious our home would be. I’m so glad Troy and I have found our OWN boundaries and expectations for our family. “Because the prophet said so”, simply has no merit.
Leaving the church has presented me with curiosity. Learning about other cultures, religions, philosophies, and lifestyles has been refreshing, slow and uncomfortable at times. I can’t believe the amount of fear that many religious people openly exhibit in their words, judgments and actions. But I get it, I was there. As a parent you desperately want your kids to follow the plan you have laid out for them in your head. You feel if they are exposed to certain things they will take on negative attributes so you try to shield them from the world or at least the “bad” people, the less desirable humans. I no longer subscribe to the idea of Satan, right and wrong, good and evil. Everyone is trying their best with what tools they have. Empathy and love go a lot farther than a call to repentance.
I don’t believe we need a savior. Why would we? Why should we believe there is something inherently wrong with us? That we are an enemy to ourselves? It’s bizarre to me that I dutifully followed a belief system that has no more proof than that of the Greek gods.
I find it much more believable that every object has a spirit and should be respected than that God talks to a man who then speaks with authority to tell thousands of people how they should behave in order to be worthy of His love and to maybe one day live in his presence.
I’ve heard people say, "Even if the church isn’t true then at least I will have led a good life." In a bubble? With massive limitations? It is a beautiful thing to unwind with a beer, enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning, wear whatever clothing I choose, shop on Sunday, be accountable to only myself and those I come in contact with, the list goes on. And I have no qualms about my behavior. The funny thing is I’ve discovered many church members don’t think I’m a bad person either. So why in the hell are they stressing themselves out? Trying to get to the celestial kingdom? Trying to become enlightened? To make their calling and election made sure? To join deceased loved ones in heaven? Do you honestly think if you lose a child prematurely in this life (and heaven is anything like what you imagine) that if you aren’t sealed to that child in the temple you won’t be with them? That is absurd to me! I can’t believe it. And that was when everything became clear. Religion is man-made.
One more thing, the church recently made a video that showed people helping others and said this is what religion looks like. https://youtu.be/yrwK_twhea8 All I could think was “Or this is what being a decent person looks like.” For years I allowed someone/something else to dictate my actions, words, and thoughts. Why? Why do churches need to retain memberships? Money? What else is in it for them? People can be perfectly happy without it. Communities can be built with far fewer stipulations.
I am free to struggle and frame my life the way I want. I know I will be fine even if I never set foot in a church, pay tithes, or interview with a bishop again. In fact, I may just have my name removed from their records. So I can leave this world the way I entered it- no attachments to any institutions.
You may be wondering why. Why did I put these thoughts down into words and share them. With all the terrible things going on in the world ie.globalization and modern colonization, broken school systems, broken health care systems, privatized prisons, broken homes, addictions, human trafficking.... with all that goes on- I often feel helpless. However, I can use my voice to have an impact. I'm thankful someone had a conversation with me that made me question my religion. Perhaps there is someone out there who will read this looking for the encouragement to find the strength to change their life. I want that questioning person to know religion is unnecessary for (and often impedes) spriritual growth, a blessed life, friends, knowledge, and inspiration.
There you have it-the most authentic version of me.
