What the what?!

This week we are the parents of an only child. Yes, we have only one child for the next 5 days. Wow, I don't know how to do this. Am I supposed to create fights with her to give her the comfort of consistency? Will she and I get to be more like friends as opposed to the parent- child relationship that it should be? (Her best friend is at her dad's house for the summer so I don't have as much competition.) Might we sit down and have a movie marathon? Stay up until 5am and sleep until 2pm? Have a spa day? Or will it be like any other week? Will I occupy my precious "free time" with deep cleaning or painting over the hand smeared, chipping, ten-year-old paint?

It really isn't possible for it to feel the same, to give her the same amount of neglect she is used to. Just the dynamics of the house are so different. Even the air smells better. There is no fighting, contention, Mom has virtually no stress. What is this?  

Kylie and I will be able to talk about the things that give her anxiety. How will she choose a college major? Why didn't she try to have more hobbies- something other than soccer? How will she be able to afford the trip to Tahoe she has planned with her best friend as soon as she turns 18? How will she afford gas and a sweet stereo system for her truck? How many hours will she be working this summer? She has always been so involved in her future planning. She is a practical person determined to succeed. I like that about her. She knows her limits- how much she can handle and still give her all. She's pretty amazing actually.

So thank you grandma for creating this scenario.

I still bask in the attention of both my parents on the rare occasions when I am the only child. To those of us with a few siblings- that time is so precious. How funny that even as a grown woman I lap up the praise, encouragement and unconditional love- the comfort they provide that simply can not be replicated.

Every child deserves to be doted on, regularly. I would love to give each of my children the opportunity to feel like the favorite. But that just isn't possible- or is it? Can't I find the time to give them a daily dose of "Mommy and Me" time? Yes, Yes I can. Now that my schedule is a little more free and they are home for summer I can take advantage of the extra hours. I can pull them aside, bend down to look them in the eyes and gaze into their souls. Hold them tight and whisper "I love the way you think. I am so glad you are a part of our family". I can snag one of them to return the Red Box with me and treat them to a turn-your-mouth-blue slurpee. I can take dinner, breakfast and dessert requests. I can wake them up with a tickle rather than an impatient series of escalating "GET UP!" shouts. I can tell them how proud I am to be their mother. It really is that simple.

This is pretty legit folks.

Growing pains

I love this-"If you are having a problem you can't seem to figure out, take yourself out of it. Give yourself the advice you would give a friend in the same situation." This logic is profound to me. It makes perfect sense. When we are in the thick of things our emotions tend to take over. A bird's eye view is much more informative then staring into fog. This rationale can get quick results-sometimes just taking a step back allows us to clearly see the answer. Kind of like when you can't find the left over lasagna but when you take a step back- there it is front and center. (I know- that was a stretch.) Truly, when we are wrestling with coworkers, parents, spouses and or children we can get a different perspective simply by putting some space between ourselves and our emotions.

There are times our friends ask "What should I do?". Sometimes the answer is so obvious to you- on the outside looking in- it's a wonder they can't see it. Sometimes you reply honestly "I don't know what I would do". Often our own problems fall into the latter category and they can't be figured out unless you really work at it. With the practice of removing ourselves from the crisis it becomes less life threatening.

I have been pondering the next step in my spiritual journey. If I am honest with myself, I know what I would tell her to do. But it's not that simple. I'm the leader, they listen to me when I say "Simon Says". I have come to the conclusion for now I have to wait. I have to sit tight, as uncomfortable as I am, and watch the snag in the sweater slowly unravel. Some things can't be rushed. Some things are meant to test our strength. Some things require time to manifest- like strains of a strange virus in a Petri dish.