I feel so happy, accomplished, balanced. I want to hold onto this moment. I want to dissect this moment to understand what it took to get here and how to recreate it.
The house is clean! Everyone got their chores done without too much prodding and there was absolutely no yelling. I got up this morning -even earlier than I normally do on Saturday mornings- and attended an orientation for new students at the College of Western Idaho. When I returned I entered the living room with my cheesy new t-shirt, "Your momma is a college student". The boys looked up from the Xbox and met me with matching grins. I love being a student. It makes sense. The academic plan is laid out in front of you, take these classes and you will graduate. It is simple, do this and you will achieve your goals. So I am enrolled for one class and will soon be registered for a math class after taking a dreaded assessment on Monday.
Let me go back. Troy applied for a job at BYU-Hawaii last month. Even though he wasn't qualified AT ALL he was in the running for the position of lightening engineer for the Cannon Center. (Sometimes it's not what you know, it's who you know.) He submitted the extensive multiple part application, interviewed over the phone and then we waited. Two weeks felt like two months as we dreamt of our new home. The kids planned to learn surfing and hula. They claimed they wouldn't mind sharing one room because with the best climate on the planet they'd be outside all the time. On our 15 hour trip to Cali for Thanksgiving Troy checked his email and we were informed the job had been given to the other candidate. We were bummed and life would now be changing. Hawaii was going to be more secure and consistent financially. It would have meant a paycheck every month, the ability to budget. Troy's current employment contract is strictly commission. So it was mutually decided I would look for full time employment outside the house if we didn't move to paradise. My plan was to find something with evening and weekend hours to avoid costly child care for Louie.
I have a second interview this week with a local start up that is experiencing amazing growth and winning all kinds of awards including one of the "Best Places to Work in Boise". The position is full time with benefits sometime between the hours of 6a-6p. (I wasn't sure what hours were available prior to my first interview.) When schedule came up, I quickly realized if it meant working in a positive environment with better than most compensation, fairly close to home and the kids' schools I'd be willing to put Louie in day care.
Yesterday while perusing the school district job openings I saw it. Drama teacher at Idaho Fine Arts Academy. This is the public school arts magnet where Ashton was accepted for visual arts. I felt a yearning. This is the job I want. Obviously, I am not qualified. And so I began thinking about returning to college. I realized I had applied and been accepted to CWI exactly 5 years ago and immediately after registering for the Spring semester found out I was pregnant with Louie. I could have been done with school by now! What do I have to show for my life? In a dramatic pity party I exclaimed to Troy " I have nothing! All I know how to do is be resourceful. Give me some hand me downs and I know how to use them. If it's free it's for me!". I bawled, what am I doing? Should I go to school full time? work? Life is going to change and it's going to be dramatic.
For now I am ecstatic to have a partial plan, to have taken action and to have a clean house. As I await my interview, my financial aid award and the inevitable undoing of today's housework I feel happy. I will never be content without a hand in my future- neither should you.
