Be proud

Maybe our quirkiness, mistakes and failures are exactly what our kids need to thrive. Out twice with friends this week I realized something very important. If I had not grown up in a house that regularly held family dance parties I would not have known the joy that comes from that form of expression. Dancing is personal. Many people "don't dance". I can't imagine having that kind of restraint. I love letting the music move me. I have no idea if I look silly or cool but I don't care. I owe that to my parents- thank you. The practice of cranking the music and having a good time has ensured I have a blast at concerts 30 years later. It is the exposure to things that makes us comfortable in different situations and even allows us to live gracefully, and love others for who they are.

When we try to shield our children from too much it inhibits their growth, their ability to make wise decisions, it can even lower their confidence. Raising teenagers is no easy task. It is a balancing act between teaching by example and letting them make their own choices. However the key is teach them to make educated choices not choices out of fear or without an understanding of the why. It is so important we give them the BIG picture. It is not enough to say "because I'm the parent that's why".

If we don't understand something we should seek to learn more about it rather than ignore it. The unknown is extremely uncomfortable. I would much rather have my children learn about real life before they are thrown into it, than to years later feel betrayed and bewildered lost in the sea of 20 somethings not sure which way to swim. I'm not suggesting to party with your minors but talk to them about the dangers of alcohol poisoning and buzzed driving. I'm not encouraging sex among teens but have the discussions, find out where they are, what their friends are doing. Don't ignore the issues they are facing because they know the rules and they are expected to follow them. But whatever you do- don't react. Your kids will only talk to you if they feel safe. Safe from judgement.

My parents aren't perfect but they did a damn good job if you ask me. I ALWAYS felt loved, I ALWAYS knew I could talk to them about ANYthing. I knew they had made mistakes and that knowledge was key to how I viewed myself. I knew I didn't have to be any certain way to be accepted by them. Having a strong relationship with my parents has been monumental in my life.

We are muddling through this parenting journey and often doubt we know what the hell we're doing but the priority is truly love. I want my kids to know we all make mistakes, we learn and grow from them. I want them to know there is a personal set of values for every individual who walks this planet. What is okay for one person may be absolutely wrong to another but we can coexist quite beautifully if we learn to be accepting rather than afraid.

So think before you act, speak or judge. Make educated decisions in all aspects of your life. Seek knowledge, truth and experiences. Have candid conversations and share your opinions. Be YOU and know you are loved no matter what.

Impatient in the worst way

I had no clue how difficult this would be. Now I am deep into the stress. It physically hurts. I am trying to start a business with very little help and almost no knowledge of what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I want to do this the way I know I can succeed. I want to be given a list, a formula, the answers. I want to be a good student and apply the things I've learned. Not gonna happen. This is a trial and error, sink or swim situation. This is the very type of stress that makes me run. And yet I'm stuck. I can't run, too much has been invested in me and so I'm forced to figure it out. I have hope that it will get easier over time but at this moment I feel extremely fragile. I feel as though I might break.
I find myself wishing for the good ol' days when all I had to worry about was changing diapers, giving baths and making dinner. Isn't it ironic.
Not only am I working hard to build a franchise, I'm taking two online summer classes which means 16 weeks worth of work in 8! And they aren't breezy subjects math and nutrition-which is most definitely full blown science at the cellular level.
I really miss my family and the carefree summer days I've taken for granted my entire life! I don't know what to do. I've started taking my medication again to take the edge off of my anxiety. The feeling of always having more to do, the worry that I'm making big mistakes, the fear of the unknown all got to be too heavy on my own. I've also been throwing prayers up to heaven more often. I'm more  afraid than I've ever been.
So what do I do when I feel so trapped and on the verge of tears? I count my blessings. For some reason this little exercise in gratitude has such power. When I begin to list the good things I begin to see how out of balance my worries are. I'm actually having great success with my new job I just wasn't prepared or trained properly and feel out of my element, I have good grades in my classes I just don't want to do the work, I have supportive friends and family cheering me on, I'm glad I'm growing and of course it wouldn't come without sacrifice. Nothing is wrong with my life I've just programmed myself to believe if something is uncomfortable I shouldn't have to do it!
All I can do is take one day at a time,  try my best and hope my best is good enough.