The church kept me sober

In my younger years, I could be quoted as saying, “If it weren’t for the church I would be a lesbian prostitute living in San Francisco.” I think the reference to lesbian would be acknowledging my love for other people regardless of gender and the idea of freedom without boundaries. Prostitute because it’s probably the position that would require the least morals (obviously without the church I would be plum out of morals!) and San Francisco because I loved that city. I should have added “and drunk”.

I count myself lucky that addiction didn’t completely ruin me. It is a lifelong struggle but our minds are so incredibly powerful. I am healing and find no need for my vice going forward. 

As I work on relinquishing all anger toward my 25 years of servitude to the Mormon church I find I am very blessed to have started my responsibilities before I was even of legal age to consume alcohol. Drinking has always had to be a recreational sport. When you have four children under the age of five you might not have much else but you sure have a healthy serving of purpose. I never had the luxury of day drinking and for that, I sing praises to the Word of Wisdom. That set of guidelines I took for truth. That book of rules that sets Latter Day Saints apart even though the clergy varies so vastly with consequences for any infractions. (From probation to denying re-entry to BYU to “We all make mistakes”.) Upon making my transition out of the fold it was one of the things many active members confessed they bent every now and then. Hell, some of them take full weekends off annually. Or consider vacations somehow exempt from the no alcohol guideline- among others.What a fool I was. I honestly believed if I drank or smoked I would be denied serious blessings like admittance to the Celestial Kingdom or the ability to hear the “Holy Ghost” (aka my conscience).

Before I left at age 35 I could count the number of times I had been intoxicated on ONE hand! Anyway, I now indulge responsibly on occasion, always with a plan of how we’ll get home safely. I am thankful I lived blindly for awhile because that’s probably the only reason I survived without some kind of drug addiction. I’m not being sarcastic, I was just struck by this silver lining as I showered and wondered how I could help those around me who haven’t been so lucky.