Come On Guys, Really?

Everytime I hear a little dog barking I am reminded that getting rid of Roxie was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I've decided to go ahead and plant a garden. Yesterday I cleared the two boxes in the yard. Pulling weeds, tilling up the soil to reveal a rich brown dirt and raking to make it all level yields a beautiful result. I started the task and finished it in about 90 minutes, satisfied and sweaty. It's a little too early to plant here-there remains a chance of frost until mid-May. With the weather we've been having that seems impossible but we've learned the hard way and killed a few hearty plants. I wasn't going to bother with a garden this year being we're not sure when or if we're moving. But I've had it with the idea of-well I don't know what's going to happen so I'm not going to do anything.

It comes back to taking action when you are unhappy. Don't continue to live with frustration-in limbo. Don't hate the house and complain about it incessantly. Don't keep living with a void, a hole. Don't expect or hope for your circumstances to change-DO SOMETHING. Anything. Even if it doesn't work. All of the great thinkers, inventors, discoverers, humanitarians, leaders, performers-anyone you know and applaud-have failed numerous times. We typically don't think "I'm going to try this and I know it's not going to work but I'm going to try it anyway." But trying and failing is so much better than not trying at all.

Last summer Troy produced a concert. He'd never done anything like that before. It turned out great, he learned what worked and the things that absolutely did not. He has a dream of owning a concert venue-of working with singer/song writers, bringing acoustic sets to Boise. He knows without connections that will never happen, without investors it's not feasible.

It's a long way away but he's moving toward it. Yes, there are setbacks and disappointments but that is how we learn and he is resilient. He doesn't let the skeptism, and non believers steal his momentum. 

I feel like I'm repeating a previous post but this has been so relevant in my life and so many of my friends recently that I thought it was worth another mention. Everyone has a different answer to the question "What is stopping you?". I'm surprised that so many of us CHOOSE to sit complaceant, dormant or just plain miserable. What's the deal? Figure out what you want, think about how you can obtain it and then go for it-JUMP. When there is a lot at stake-it is then that it is the most important to act.

So many options

Toss Me That Wrench

It's always sobering to hear of a friend's misfortune. It can be heartbreaking. This past fall my dear friend Jenny woke up with paralysis from her waist up (including her lungs), my cousin's husband died in October and most recently a friend-our age-was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tend to think "That could've been me." It can humble us, help us be more thankful, show more gratitude for our blessings. Be kinder and more patient with the ones we love. My Dad always told me before heading off to another day of school, "You never know what's going to happen today.". I always thought of it as exciting-something extraordinary. Maybe someone would leave a flower on my car, or I would be pulled out of class to learn I had been nominated for some good student award. Maybe I would find a twenty dollar bill in the grass where we ate lunch, maybe my parents would have a winning scratcher.  The possibilities were endless. Even though it's more fun to imagine all the unexpected good things that can 

happen we can still come out on top when we are plagued with terrible news. Again it all comes back to perspective-most likely your situation could be worse. 

And over the years I have learned that when you no longer acknowledge your trial as such-it loses power over you. If you can accept whatever life hands you-you will be happy no matter what happens today. The beauty is we are all on the same playing field-no one knows.

She's ready for anything in this crazy git-up.

Just Ask

So running last night made my physically sick. Guess I shouldn't have pushed myself quite as hard. I tried to do some interval training between telephone poles-sprint then jog. I always imagine that I am stronger than I actually am. Whatever.

Being that I was wiped out by six-I snuggled on the couch until I could justify it was late enough to snuggle into my bed at eight. I went to bed early so my typical evening routine which includes cleaning up downstairs was obviously neglected. 

Naturally upon waking the next morning I was gifted with a mess-relatively small but there was a mess all the same. Of course I had to mention how ridiculous it is that I'm the only one who can ensure things get done before bed. In my mind it really wasn't a big deal and I kind of enjoy that kind of tidying up because the results are easy to come by. Since the work wasn't really the issue I had to take a step back and do a little digging to find the root of the problem. 

I had already gotten three of the five out the door and it seemed as though everyone was bent on having a terrible day. I always feel my blood pressure rise when the complaints begin:"I am so stressed out I have a presentation today.", "My knee is bothering me.","I can't find my shoes somebody moved them.", "Gavin ate the rest of the cereal and put the empty bag away". I guess it's the timing that gets to me. "I need new shoes these ones hurt my feet", is always heard as we are on our way out the door. As if I can do anything about it right now. 

When I can't resolve the problem immediately I get resentful and frustrated. For some reason I take it to heart and feel as though I'm failing because they aren't completely happy. My frustration turns to irritability and I snap back, "Why are you guys always complaining?". That does nothing good-it doesn't even make ME feel better temporarily I just feel inadequate. Essentially what happens-it gets added to the list of things to do-the list I can't possibly accomplish in this lifetime. I am the one who gets to carry all their problems-get dumped on. They don't give any thought to the combined weight of their issues on my shoulders. Of course they don't I'm the mom and they are the kids. It is my job to listen, take note and balance all their concerns big or small- important or not.

And I just really don't feel strong enough. That's when I pray for help. I pretty much have a prayer in my heart all day long. A stream-of-conscientiousness conversation with my Heavenly Father.

So our dark middle child sketched this in church in about 5 minutes but decided he didn't like how it turned out. We teased him about her hands and Kylie quickly quipped, "If you put her hands together it would look like Mom praying." We exchanged a knowing smile.

I Gotta Have It

Wow, what a difference a day makes-or a few months rather. I thought I'd prep my body to run with a friend in a couple of days. That was both good and bad. Now I know how old I am and how jiggly my theighs have become. Nice. Gone are the rock hard quads and if I really want them back -I'll have to work for them. But at least I now know where I stand. I even walked part of the route-lame. Walking is for sissies and old people-I'm neither, yet.

Even worse I spit on myself-twice. You can't say you've never done that before ladies. Admit it. We women weren't born with the innate knowledge of how to spit for distance. Spitting on yourself is definitely one of those truly embarrassing moments that actually become something to laugh about almost immediately-like when there is a hole in your cup and you dribble on your chin right on down your shirt.

I'm not a creature of habit but sometimes I pretend to be. Maybe I haven't found many things to motivate me to keep doing it religiously-although I can say we almost never miss a church service. It's not that it's always amazing I think it is more the fact that it would feel wrong to not go. Besides that is the first step in the slippery slope which always ends up changing you into a heathen.

My point is-washing the dishes before going up to bed, working out every day, choosing the hard boiled egg over the brownie are all great ideas. We theoretically can make the right choice but it just isn't that easy or natural for that matter. It does feel better to be eating right and exercising- my headaches and tummy aches miraculously disappear and energy takes their place. If you can master yourself and make good habits-hats off to you. Obviously if it wasn't difficult to do what we all know we aught to everyone would be toned, educated, wealthy and happy. 

Everyone else's problems are so easy to fix. She complains that she's getting fat but then proceeds to eat a baker's dozen. You just want to point out-well that's your problem.  But sometimes I wonder if we were void of all vices- if we were perfect and mastered would we be fulfilled? Sometimes being bad or just going against the grain is what keeps us sane and makes us feel alive.

What is the answer? Acknowledge your weaknesses but don't broadcast them and take baby steps. Give yourself goals and most important rewards otherwise you won't feel motivated to work so hard and you will be content with mediocrity. The truth is-our vices no matter how comforting-keep us from progressing in other areas. Opportunities pass us by, our focus isn't where it should be, in essence we stop growing. Or we can work harder than we thought possible-to overcome the demons we all have. What you choose is completely up to you and no matter what I will still love you.

I'm parked. What a rebel.