Don't laugh

The two posts that have exponentially surpassed all the others in the number of hits are the two you might consider most vulnerable-the one where I appeared close to naked to show off my fitness and the one where I stripped down to practically nothing -theoretically speaking- and bore my testimony of my unbelief.  Why have those two entries received so many views? I believe it is because it was then I was the most vulnerable. I was willing to show you as much as I could without crossing the line, making my readers feel offended (at least that's what I think). You may have gawked, gone back for a second look or a reread. Everything I post is truth and yet I haven't been scared enough to hold back.  I know I am unsure of most things but living for one day at a time is a gift. I'm looking forward and making an effort not to look back.

I think it's worth mentioning how vulnerable everyone is-all the time. Even when you feel confident, prepared, in control-you can find yourself assaulted or under attack. Think about it-when you leave the house, venture out into the world filled with people, you are susceptible to their actions.Those people who may or may not know and/or care about you. Someone may give you a dirty look because you didn't offer to push their child on the damn swing while they sat on the park bench checking their phone for the messages they don't have but wish they did.You may encounter an angry driver who shouts obscenities at you because he wasn't looking before he almost backed into you. Someone might tell you how absolutely wrong your child handled the situation at school when clearly it was self defense.  Or your spouse might complain about how it seems like you never made dinner this week (I guess cereal doesn't really count), your children might wonder where all their clothes are because nothing is clean, your parents might suggest you aren't making enough money. You can even make yourself feel horrible -obvi.  It's no wonder so many people develop serious cases of anxiety.

Most of us feel fairly comfortable going about our daily business whether it be at work, the grocery store or school but when we go to present our ideas, preform, or even pass on company policy we begin to feel uncomfortable. When we are in front of an audience the knowledge that we are at their mercy is evident. Our fears begin to surface and can paralyze us, make us physically sick or take a chunk out of our self esteem. You may worry about how your words will be accepted or not (thankfully I don't care). You may second guess yourself-consider stepping down and taking the consequences that come with being a quitter. You may even have prepared weeks for the moment and the probability that nerves will overcome you and cause you to stumble is still very real.What is there to do?

I think it is vital to cultivate love and kindness. On occasion I take comfort when others fail it makes me feel better and so does making fun of people. (I have touched on this before.) Hello!?-do I think I'm immune to the same treatment? If it was said to my face how off key I was when I sang in a trio, that mine was the only part anyone heard- I would most likely never sing again. So the statement that people who make fun of others are truly the ones with the problem is spot on. Why am I so filled with jealousy? Envy is ugly I tell you. I want to be clear- this isn't a constant behavior but I do need to reign it in and the goal is to ultimately put myself in the other person's shoes- take the time to deeply look at the other person and know that they are as fragile as I am. They are vulnerable even if they appear to have it all put together and in the right order.

So back to the idea of cultivating love and kindness. I do have it in me and I try to share it. If you feel it, say it.There are numerous times I have approached a stranger to give them a sincere and specific compliment. I didn't tell the pregnant lady at the park, "You look good." I told her, "I love that skirt-it's very flattering." I think it's important to be specific, it tells the person you really see them. It gives the person something they can feel and hold on to. I absolutely love being told I look good- especially by a stranger, "Well I will most definitely keep this sweater then." I once told a customer when I was working as a server, "You are a strong person- I could feel there was something about you as soon as you walked in." Before you think I was picking up on someone- you must understand this man was using crutches the type people use for more permanent reasons not just the uncomfortable ones you get from the ER when you break your leg. Before I even said anything he was holding his head high, beaming with a smile the width of his face. He was eating alone and just permeated peace, love and kindness whether he knew it or not. I thought he needed to know his affect on me and most likely others. Did it feel weird? Yes. Was I glad I did it? Yes.

Another way I try to reach out is by showing appreciation for others who provide excellent customer service. I like to call them by name and thank them for going the extra mile. We were out of town for a soccer tourney last Spring and had no other choice but fast food. It was a busy hour and the lines were long but the man in the button up shirt was doing a great job making sure everyone felt taken care of. I applauded this manager and told him, "You are running a great restaurant." Simple gestures, just words.

Love can be shown in countless ways. Troy often will text in the middle of the day asking how things are going? Reaching out to an old friend- someone who might have forgotten all about you- to recall a favorite memory you both share but haven't thought about for years. Writing a letter to anyone- who doesn't love to get tangible mail? Sending an email to an influential teacher thanking them for being a part of your life. Volunteering for ...anything. Listening-sometimes it's the only thing you can do. None of these examples cost any money just your willingness to give of yourself, maybe be a little uncomfortable. But really think about what you are doing. Bonus- when you are nice to other people they tend to be nice to you and a little more willing to let you use their truck when you're moving. The more you do something the easier it becomes. You've been the recipient of a loving or kind gesture and how did it make you feel? Regardless of how your day was going prior, it has the ability to make you see life differently for a moment. Do the people you come in contact with think of you when they think of someone who makes them feel good? I know a handful of people who genuinely make me glad I get to see them because they take an interest in my life, they stop what they're doing when I walk in the room and I know they want me to succeed.

 Nerds circa 1990

Children need love and kindness more than us thick-skinned grown ups. They are developing what they think about themselves. The words we use in conversations leave long lasting impressions. If we tell them, "School just isn't your thing". Why the hell would they give a shit about their homework?
How about in the middle of an argument, "Why are you such a jerk?" (I try to say "acting like a jerk?") I'm sure we can all come up with a plethora of put downs- ones we may or may not have said. What about the compliments the words that have the power to give them strength to face the world?  "Your room sure looks nice, good job keeping it clean.", "I"m so proud of you. With work and soccer your grades are still beautiful", "That sketch is amazing I really like the shading on that side." Just taking an interest in their long, drawn out- right at bedtime- stories says I love you. Playing catch or the board game (or boring game rather) they've been suggesting for a few weeks will make them soar. They are stinkin' vulnerable everyday as they walk out the door. They are thrown into a cruel world of kids that have no idea who they are, feel good when they make fun of people and are extremely vulnerable themselves. Love them, love everyone because you are vulnerable too.