Everyone is responsible for their own shit

When I was growing up in the church, a lot of analogies were used to teach lessons. I remember being in awe of the minds that came up with them. I wished my brain wasn’t so literal. As I’ve matured my mind has expanded and today I was gifted with an analogy too good not to share. 

I enjoy being outside. In fact, last year I met my goal of 1,000 hours outside on October 25th and continued to rack up hours ending with 1,035 total for the year. Currently being outside requires wearing multiple layers and getting my body moving. So about once a week I find myself in the backyard picking up dog poop. I don’t mind and I actually prefer being the responsible one because I think I do the best job. I’ve seen certain people in our home run over piles of dog doo with the lawnmower. I could never do that. I have a good eye and a system to be sure I get it all. 

Today I realized by taking that chore from the dog owners I was actually doing them a disservice. You see, Handsom (Gavin’s dog) had a few accidents in Gavin’s new apartment last night. Gavin assumed he had eaten something he shouldn’t have while in our care the previous day and was furious. However, had Gavin been required to clean up after his own dog more consistently, he would’ve know Handsom’s poop always looks like he’s eaten something he shouldn’t have. So by trying to avoid conflict with our son and doing the most undesirable job in the household, I was displacing responsibility and in this case important information. 

This situation solidified a vital parenting philosophy. Make sure the kids are radically accountable for their actions. It is a value I hold but am only learning how to execute.

This goes for myself as well. I need to clean up my own shit, the messes I make. A couple weeks ago I woke up with a phrase in my mind that has stuck with me, “No one is coming to save you.” It’s so true. If there is a part of my life I’m unhappy with only I am responsible to change it. So while we can be good listeners to those we love, only they can clean up their own shit. And if we try to take responsibility away by helping/enabling, the reality is we’re stunting that person’s growth.