For Love or Money

There is something that has always tried to keep me in. In, instead of going out with friends. Actually it didn't start until after I was married but not for the typical reason. It wasn't because my husband was possessive but rather because money had become particularly sparse. Why is it that combining two single people into one household suddenly makes you both strapped for cash? It did not help that my business minded, entrupernral husband chose a commission only job right off the bat! Very scary for me, my parents are both in the education field, and have a modest but steady income. So our dinners out were restricted to the restaurant where I worked part time and got a steep discount.




I already knew the art of living on a tight budget. For most of my teenage years my dad was in college so extra money for my activities was nonexistent. I learned to work and buy my own gas, clothes, hair products. And to pay for my choir tour, admission to movies, football games, and my Senior trip. I had to be certain when money passed through my fingers it was worth it. I was responsible for all my wants. With a check book and ATM card I felt that I had reached adult status. (snicker) College life was the same. I worked part-time to pay for my groceries, long distance phone cards (remember those) and extra curricular activities. I learned to be more resourceful and diligently seek the free happenings around campus.




Unfortunately, things have seemed to be that way my entire life. However, I can recall with clarity when I was pregnant with our third, realizing that even though our family was quickly growing and the income hadn't, we miraculously always had enough.




There was a snippet of time when we had a large sum of money (VERY large from my perspective), after selling our home in California to move to Idaho for double the amount we had paid for it. We had decided that with the real estate market booming we would invest, manage, flip houses or something of that nature. Soon we had ten properties. Then we partnered with some dear friends and started a glass business amongst this very busy time. Not to mention the fact that we had four kids, five years old and under!


You all know the story, the market crashed and so did we. At first it put a wedge in our marriage but we made it through even stronger than we had started. We counseled together to figure out how the hell to get out of this. These meager years felt like they would never let up, give us some relief.


During this sink or swim interval we grew in everyway. Out of necessity, I learned how to extend our grocery budget by making bread, pizza crust, tortillas and even bagels.  One of my best friends and I found ourselves in the same predicament. We would laugh about our destitution and hope to be rescued. I remember her creative juices flowing she came up with a clever idea- saving pb&j sandwich crusts to dry and turn them in to bread crumbs. We grew beautiful gardens. We used all the Red Box codes on every ATM card, hardly ever paying for a movie rental. To have a positive perspective I tried to make a game out of it. A household version of "Survivor".


Finally we came to realize that we were "house poor". Our entire paycheck was going toward our combined first and a second mortgage. (This is not an exaggeration.) We decided to leave the house we had built. The decision to relocate, was comparable to the deepest heartache. It surprised me how much it hurt.





We have slowly learned where to find the balance between penny-pinching and frugal. It was awful  when we were collecting practically no income. I couldn't justify even buying chocolate chips-it was that extreme. We came to realize that we couldn't live like that for very long. It wasn't healthy. So slowly we let up on ourselves and allowed for Tuesday $1.00 movies, some Sunday afternoon drives , and dental floss.




The silver lining is the lesson our children have learned of the value of a dollar. Kylie now a high schooler, has impressed me with her spending and more importantly her saving habits. I have learned many cooking and baking skills, among other things that I wouldn't have had to. Life is not what we thought it was going to be like but, we can embrace it and stretch ourselves and our dollars much further than you might think. The real estate market seems to be on an up swing, invest wisely.